The Covid Screwtape Letters - Part 4 - The "New Normal"

Read Part 1 (origins), Part 2 (masks), Part 3 (lockdowns)

Dear Uncle Screwtape,

Your guidance has once again proven invaluable. The experts remain firmly in control, their contradictions glossed over as “the nature of science,” while the skeptics tear each other apart in endless debates over who’s truly enlightened. It’s almost too easy! Yet, now, I turn my attention to the next phase of our delightful operation: the so-called “New Normal.”

How splendid it was when the humans embraced remote work and social distancing without a second thought! At first, they were overjoyed, imagining this would be a temporary adjustment, perhaps even a luxury. “No more commuting! More time at home!” they cheered. How little they realized that these measures would soon transform from a novelty into a quiet erosion of their very humanity.

Social distancing, of course, has been a remarkable success. The creatures, already so individualistic, have been reduced to a state of near-total isolation. Physical contact — a handshake, a hug, even the casual bumping of shoulders — all of these once-normal gestures now fill them with unease, as though their fellow humans are little more than biological threats to be avoided. How perfectly we’ve trained them! But here’s the question: how do we ensure that this fear of proximity becomes permanent? After all, we don’t want them getting too comfortable once the restrictions inevitably ease. How do we make sure that they never truly return to the intimacy they once knew?

Then there’s remote work, dear Uncle. I initially feared it might give them too much freedom, too much autonomy. But instead, it has turned out to be another cage! They are more isolated than ever, chained to their screens, slowly realizing that the freedom they thought they had gained is nothing more than another form of control. They work longer hours, never truly able to disconnect, their homes no longer sanctuaries but offices in disguise. Yet I wonder — how do we prevent them from rebelling against this arrangement? Some have begun to express longing for the days of in-person interaction, even craving the structure of the office they once despised. How do we keep them tethered to this new way of life, ensuring that the digital leash grows ever tighter?

As always, your insight is eagerly awaited.

Yours in sinister service,
Dr. F

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Nephew,

Ah, the New Normal! What a phrase, dripping with potential. You’ve done well to guide the humans into this next phase of our grand project, but as you’ve rightly noted, the key now is not to simply maintain this state but to embed it so deeply in their psyche that they’ll never truly escape. Let me offer you some strategies to ensure that remote work and social distancing remain not just temporary adjustments, but permanent facets of their lives.

First, social distancing. You see, the beauty of physical distance is that it erodes something far deeper than mere proximity — it erodes trust. It’s not enough to simply keep them six feet apart. What you must do now is ensure that they associate physical closeness with danger. Plant the seed of paranoia. Whisper to them that every handshake, every hug, every face-to-face conversation is a risk, not just of illness, but of betrayal. “What if the other person isn’t being as careful as you? What if they’re careless, reckless, a danger to your safety?” Let them feel the sting of suspicion with every interaction. Soon, they’ll avoid closeness not because it’s mandated, but because it feels instinctively wrong. The longer they stay apart, the more foreign human connection will become.

As for remote work, you’ve already made significant progress. The humans, once thrilled by the idea of working from home, now find themselves chained to their devices, never truly able to escape. But here’s the brilliance, Dr. F: remote work allows us to blur the boundaries between work and personal life, so that they are never off-duty. Once, they could leave the office and find respite in their homes. Now, the office is their home. The key here is to deepen this entanglement. Encourage their employers to demand more and more of their time — after all, they’re not commuting anymore, so why not put in a few extra hours? Let the line between work and rest blur so completely that they no longer know what it means to “clock out.”

Of course, some will begin to grow nostalgic for the office, for in-person meetings, for human interaction. This is where we must be clever. You see, a little nostalgia is fine, but you must ensure that any return to the office or social gatherings feels uncomfortable. Continue to reinforce the idea that the digital world is “safer,” more efficient, more controlled. In the office, they had to endure small talk, interruptions, awkward face-to-face interactions. In the digital world, they can curate their interactions, present the best versions of themselves, never revealing too much. They may miss the human connection, but deep down, they’ll learn to prefer the safety of their screens.

And here’s a final suggestion: offer them more “conveniences.” The humans love convenience, after all. Make remote work seem indispensable by highlighting how it “frees” them from rigid office structures. Offer them digital solutions for every problem — virtual happy hours, remote conferences, even digital therapy. Let them think that every human interaction can be simulated or replaced with something more efficient. Once they grow accustomed to this, the thought of returning to the messy, unpredictable world of in-person relationships will seem not only unnecessary but undesirable.

In the end, they’ll be isolated, overstressed, and lonely, yet convinced they’re more connected than ever. And when they realize something is missing, they won’t even know what it is — only that the empty space inside them cannot be filled.

Go forth, dear nephew, and let this New Normal become their new prison.

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape

Read Part 1 (origins), Part 2 (masks), Part 3 (lockdowns)